Goldust started to unbutton Paul Bearer's shirt
Jerry Lawler: You better be careful Goldust, a few more chins might pop out.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon thinks the Hart reunion is despicable.
Jerry Lawler: Shut Up McMahon! This is beautiful.
Jerry Lawler: You better be careful Goldust, a few more chins might pop out.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon thinks the Hart reunion is despicable.
Jerry Lawler: Shut Up McMahon! This is beautiful.
Jerry gets a little emotional.
Jerry Lawler: I think I need to be held .
________________________________________________________________________
Jesse James broke the Honky Tonk Man's guitar and Honky got a little upset...
Jerry Lawler: Get him a handkerchief.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind threw fire into the Undertaker's eyes.
Jim Ross: For as long as you have hated Bret Hart, all of a sudden you're
starting to agree with him?
Jerry Lawler: Well, now Bret Hart finally saw the light. Just like The
Undertaker, yeah he saw the light all right Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
WWF's live call in show.
Jerry Lawler: So John, what are you doing up there in Wisconsin, making
cheese?
Jerry Lawler: I think I need to be held .
________________________________________________________________________
Jesse James broke the Honky Tonk Man's guitar and Honky got a little upset...
Jerry Lawler: Get him a handkerchief.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind threw fire into the Undertaker's eyes.
Jim Ross: For as long as you have hated Bret Hart, all of a sudden you're
starting to agree with him?
Jerry Lawler: Well, now Bret Hart finally saw the light. Just like The
Undertaker, yeah he saw the light all right Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
WWF's live call in show.
Jerry Lawler: So John, what are you doing up there in Wisconsin, making
cheese?
Mini-Goldust enters.
Jerry Lawler: Now I'm just waiting for a Mini-Marlena to pop up.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: If stupidity was water, Ahmed Johnson would be Niagara Falls.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Hey Iron Sheik! Tell the Sultan to hit Ahmed Johnson where his
kidney, well, where his kidney use to be. Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: No one appreciates Sable more than Dok Hendrix.
Jerry Lawler: I do.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Jesse James can wrestle every bit as good as he can sing.
Jerry Lawler: Then he won't win many matches.
_______________________________________________________________________
Omaha Nebraska is mentioned.
Jerry Lawler: Is that the heartland of America?
Jim Ross: Yes it is King.
Jerry Lawler: Do you want to know why it's the heartland of America? Because
there is no brain.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart.
Vince McMahon: You are such a hypocrite.
Jerry Lawler: What?
Vince McMahon: You are a hypocrite. After all those things you have said about
him, after all those things you said about his parents.
Jerry Lawler: I never said anything that was not true, so I said his parents
are a little old. But it is true. Just because Stu was the first maid on
the Noah's Ark and Helen knew Big Bird when he was Tweedy. Bret knows
they're old.
Jerry Lawler: Now I'm just waiting for a Mini-Marlena to pop up.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: If stupidity was water, Ahmed Johnson would be Niagara Falls.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Hey Iron Sheik! Tell the Sultan to hit Ahmed Johnson where his
kidney, well, where his kidney use to be. Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: No one appreciates Sable more than Dok Hendrix.
Jerry Lawler: I do.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Jesse James can wrestle every bit as good as he can sing.
Jerry Lawler: Then he won't win many matches.
_______________________________________________________________________
Omaha Nebraska is mentioned.
Jerry Lawler: Is that the heartland of America?
Jim Ross: Yes it is King.
Jerry Lawler: Do you want to know why it's the heartland of America? Because
there is no brain.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart.
Vince McMahon: You are such a hypocrite.
Jerry Lawler: What?
Vince McMahon: You are a hypocrite. After all those things you have said about
him, after all those things you said about his parents.
Jerry Lawler: I never said anything that was not true, so I said his parents
are a little old. But it is true. Just because Stu was the first maid on
the Noah's Ark and Helen knew Big Bird when he was Tweedy. Bret knows
they're old.
The Undertaker's scar.
Jerry Lawler: It is like a bullseye painted on his head.
________________________________________________________________________
henry godwinn sufferend a broken neck.
Jerry Lawler: He's too stupid to know he's hurt.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny modeling a shirt.
Jerry Lawler: I don't know about the shipping, but I would like to pay for the
handling.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: These people in Omaha hate anyone with real teeth.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler is commenting on Ken Shammrock challenging Mike Tyson
Jerry Lawler: Hey Shammrock, why don't you go out and challenge George
Foreman. He will take on a nobody like you.
________________________________________________________________________
Rockabilly with a sleeper hold on Ahmed Johnson.
Jim Ross: That is a good strategy by Rockabilly to cut off that flow of that
blood to the brain and all of a sudden Ahmed is unconsicous.
Jerry Lawler: What brain?
________________________________________________________________________
The camera was focused on the French announce team.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, do you speak French? Palivou fried eggs?
Jim Ross: No, I can barely speak English.
Jerry Lawler: You got that right.
________________________________________________________________________
Talk about Chyna.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! Nice chin too. Jay Leno, eat you heart out.
________________________________________________________________________
Chyna lifted Flash Funk and dropped him on the top rope.
Jerry Lawler:</b> I want to see if Chyna can lift you up like that Ross.
________________________________________________________________________
Ken Shamrock's Zone.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! You're going to be in the Twilight Zone. That is where Vader
is going to knock you in.
Jerry Lawler: It is like a bullseye painted on his head.
________________________________________________________________________
henry godwinn sufferend a broken neck.
Jerry Lawler: He's too stupid to know he's hurt.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny modeling a shirt.
Jerry Lawler: I don't know about the shipping, but I would like to pay for the
handling.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: These people in Omaha hate anyone with real teeth.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler is commenting on Ken Shammrock challenging Mike Tyson
Jerry Lawler: Hey Shammrock, why don't you go out and challenge George
Foreman. He will take on a nobody like you.
________________________________________________________________________
Rockabilly with a sleeper hold on Ahmed Johnson.
Jim Ross: That is a good strategy by Rockabilly to cut off that flow of that
blood to the brain and all of a sudden Ahmed is unconsicous.
Jerry Lawler: What brain?
________________________________________________________________________
The camera was focused on the French announce team.
Jerry Lawler: Hey, do you speak French? Palivou fried eggs?
Jim Ross: No, I can barely speak English.
Jerry Lawler: You got that right.
________________________________________________________________________
Talk about Chyna.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! Nice chin too. Jay Leno, eat you heart out.
________________________________________________________________________
Chyna lifted Flash Funk and dropped him on the top rope.
Jerry Lawler:</b> I want to see if Chyna can lift you up like that Ross.
________________________________________________________________________
Ken Shamrock's Zone.
Jerry Lawler: Yeah! You're going to be in the Twilight Zone. That is where Vader
is going to knock you in.
Jerry Lawler: Ahmed Johnson has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Just ask Clarence Mason. He says, "A small question for a small
fee."
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The people in Richland have two color necks. Light
red and dark red.
________________________________________________________________________
A fan had a sign that said "Austin for president"
Jerry Lawler: If he was president, the countries bird would be the middle
finger.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: I would beat you up Ross, but I have a thing against cruelty to
animals.
________________________________________________________________________
Ahmed Johnson at the KOTR.
Jerry Lawler: Can you imagine that Ross, King Ahmed Johnson? How would the
crown fit on his head, it would probably slip right off. His head looks
like a Milk Dud.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Ahmed Johnson came from a neighborhood where the most common
words heard was, "You have the right to remain silent."
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Hey Finkle, last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
Hey, why don't you go back and borrow one of McMahon's toupees.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Just ask Clarence Mason. He says, "A small question for a small
fee."
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: The people in Richland have two color necks. Light
red and dark red.
________________________________________________________________________
A fan had a sign that said "Austin for president"
Jerry Lawler: If he was president, the countries bird would be the middle
finger.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: I would beat you up Ross, but I have a thing against cruelty to
animals.
________________________________________________________________________
Ahmed Johnson at the KOTR.
Jerry Lawler: Can you imagine that Ross, King Ahmed Johnson? How would the
crown fit on his head, it would probably slip right off. His head looks
like a Milk Dud.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Ahmed Johnson came from a neighborhood where the most common
words heard was, "You have the right to remain silent."
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Hey Finkle, last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
Hey, why don't you go back and borrow one of McMahon's toupees.
Jerry Lawler: Speaking of Kathy Lee, Did you hear about Frank Gifford? He got
caught having an affair with a flight attendant. Hey Ross, isn't your
wife a flight attendant?
Jim Ross:Oh yeah King, you think that is really funny don't you?
Jerry Lawler:Yeah!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry questionioning people from Alabama.
Jerry Lawler: I got a tough one for you. If your mom and dad got a
divorce, would they still be brother and sister? Ha, Ha! That's a tough
one, isn't it?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry is commenting on Bob Holly's racing abilities .
Jerry Lawler: He kept going to the pit stop to ask for directions.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Did you know that if you buy a car in Mobile, Alabama, it has a
warning label on the mirror that says "Objects in the mirror are dumber
than they seem".
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry on Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: He is the kind of man who would throw both ends
of a rope to a drowning man.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Mankind is two fries short of a happy meal.
caught having an affair with a flight attendant. Hey Ross, isn't your
wife a flight attendant?
Jim Ross:Oh yeah King, you think that is really funny don't you?
Jerry Lawler:Yeah!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry questionioning people from Alabama.
Jerry Lawler: I got a tough one for you. If your mom and dad got a
divorce, would they still be brother and sister? Ha, Ha! That's a tough
one, isn't it?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry is commenting on Bob Holly's racing abilities .
Jerry Lawler: He kept going to the pit stop to ask for directions.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Did you know that if you buy a car in Mobile, Alabama, it has a
warning label on the mirror that says "Objects in the mirror are dumber
than they seem".
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry on Shawn Michaels.
Jerry Lawler: He is the kind of man who would throw both ends
of a rope to a drowning man.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Mankind is two fries short of a happy meal.
Goldust said that Marlena and Dakota are his life.
Jerry Lawler: Then you need to get a life.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Jake Roberts had a problem and he drank it.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: You know when most people get drunk, they see snakes. Well when
snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler was in a swimming pool at the SummerSlam Bikini Beach Blast-Off
Jerry Lawler: If this pool were filled with beer, you know Jake "The Snake"
Roberts would be in it.
________________________________________________________________________
McMAHON: King, do you wear that crown all the time?
LAWLER: Do you wear that toupee all the time?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: You can take one look at Mark Henry and see that if he won a
gold medal, he'd just take it and have it bronzed.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Mankind's house is so small, he needs to go outside to eat a
large pizza.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind
Jerry Lawler: When you were born and your mom saw your face and your
rear end, she said, Oh! siamesse Twins! Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Paul E. Dangerously reminds me of Marv Albert, they both bite.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry on the ECW arena.
Jerry Lawler: This bingo hall ought to be build out of toilet paper,
because there's nothing in it but $^!#.
I cannot copyright jokes that Jerry Lawler has said himself. I just hope you all enjoy them.
Jerry Lawler: Then you need to get a life.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Jake Roberts had a problem and he drank it.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: You know when most people get drunk, they see snakes. Well when
snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler was in a swimming pool at the SummerSlam Bikini Beach Blast-Off
Jerry Lawler: If this pool were filled with beer, you know Jake "The Snake"
Roberts would be in it.
________________________________________________________________________
McMAHON: King, do you wear that crown all the time?
LAWLER: Do you wear that toupee all the time?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: You can take one look at Mark Henry and see that if he won a
gold medal, he'd just take it and have it bronzed.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Mankind's house is so small, he needs to go outside to eat a
large pizza.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind
Jerry Lawler: When you were born and your mom saw your face and your
rear end, she said, Oh! siamesse Twins! Ha! Ha! Ha!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler: Paul E. Dangerously reminds me of Marv Albert, they both bite.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry on the ECW arena.
Jerry Lawler: This bingo hall ought to be build out of toilet paper,
because there's nothing in it but $^!#.
I cannot copyright jokes that Jerry Lawler has said himself. I just hope you all enjoy them.