Here was a guest ring announcer.
Guest ring announcer: From New Zealand, at a total combined weight of 40 pounds....
Jerry: Ha! Ha! Ha! Did you hear that McMahon? 40 pounds? He
must be getting therr weight confused with how many sardines they eat a
day.
________________________________________________________________________
Guest ring announcer: From New Zealand, at a total combined weight of 40 pounds....
Jerry: Ha! Ha! Ha! Did you hear that McMahon? 40 pounds? He
must be getting therr weight confused with how many sardines they eat a
day.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Marty Jannetty, making his return to the WWF and is looking in superb
shape.
Jerry: Are you kidding me McMahon, the only thing harded than his
knuckles are his arteries.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I just got a note from a doctor saying thst there was a possible
trace of blood in Jake "The Snake's" alcohol stream.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: This comming weekend be we will be celebrating the 219th
birthday of...
Jerry: Helen Hart?
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: McMahon, I'm so sick so Shawn Michaels kliq, it makes me sick.
_______________________________________________________________________
A young girl cheering Shawn Michaels.
Jerry: Look at her, now I know why animals eat their young.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: A lot of people say that Sid's elevator doesn't go up all the
way to the top and that he's three beers short of a six-pack.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: You are just saying things so people can see things through
your eyes.
Jerry: Oh come on McMahon. Everyone is entitled to MY opinion.
_________
A fan in the crowd was wearing a red clown wig
Jerry: Is that Barbra Streisand?
Vince McMahon: I think that is Oprah.
Jerry: I saw Barbra Streisand on Oprah today talking about her movie,
it was about as exciting as watching paint dry.
Vince McMahon: Barbra Streisand has got a new movie comming out.
Jerry: Barbra Streisand's new movie is called "A Mirror with Two Faces"
Vince McMahon: I think?
Jerry: HA!, Barbra Streisand's mirrors needs two faces. Every time she
looks in the mirror her reflection throws-up.
________________________________________________________________________
Todd Pettengill: Welcome to the Milton Bradley Karate Fighters Holiday
Tournament. This week it is, well it's Beauty and the Beast when Sable
takes on Dok Hendrix.
Jerry: Yeah, Sable sure is a beast and Hendrix is just a bumbling idiot.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Well there is Dok Hendrix doing what he does best, always
begging a woman.
Todd Pettengill: Next week, Sable will meet the winner of the Sunny vs.
Mr Backlund match, that should be interesting.
Jerry: Why don't you try doing that sometime?
Todd Pettengill: What?
Jerry: Being interesting.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels on Regis and Kathy Lee.
Regis: You have a big match this weekend against Sid, what is your
strategy?
Shawn Michaels: Run!
Jerry: He finally told the truth.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on Bret Hart.
Jerry: He needs to hire Jose Ebear or go to Supercuts to get a haircut.
Look at that nasty hair of his.
Bret Hart is drinking out a cup while watching a Steve Austin match.
Jerry: It looks like Bret Hart has been hanging around Jake "The Snake"
Roberts, looks like he is drinking some of that encouraging liquior for
his match.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart whispers something to himself.
Jerry: I can read lips, he said to make sure the door is locked.
________________________________________________________________________
Todd Pettengill: Welcome to the Milton Bradley Karate Fighters
Tournament. This week Mr. Perfect battles Phinese I. Godwin.
Jerry: Yeah, he sure is a pig.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on Stu and Helen Hart.
Jerry: I bet you two are so old that when you were little the dead sea was only
sick.
________________________________________________________________________
The Bulldog about to execute a elbow drop on Razor Ramon.
Jerry: If the Bulldog connects with this, there'll be a grease spot on
the mat even Pine Sol can't take out.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey Ross, I had a nightmare last night, Sunny was my mother and
I was a bottle baby.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Cheating is only cheating if you get caught.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole
Smith is asking him out on a date.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on a fan in the crowd.
Jerry: I've heard of faces that could stop clocks, her's could stop all
of Switzerland's.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on a fan in the crowd.
Jerry: I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the
seat fell down and hit him on the head.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels be escorted by an elderly woman.
Jerry: I saw Shawn Michaels being escourted by Mother Teresa.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey Shawn Michaels, this is the king. Can you hear me?
Shawn Michaels: I can hear ya King Fish.
Jerry: I have had enough of this meely mouth mush as I can stomach.
Jose Lothario, that old fossil sitting next to you, cost you the World
Wrestling Federation title by being on the apron. Hey Jose, if your
eyesight is that bad, you need to get your bifocals checked.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny is comming down the aisle to commentate.
Vince McMahon: Comming up next, Rocky Maivia, the first ever third generation
superstar in the back warming up. Oh My goodness!!
Jerry: Yeah McMahon, calm down. It looks like your warming up.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: C'mon McMahon. That is about as belevable as O.J. Simpson on
the witness stand.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny sits next to Vince McMahon
Jerry: Watch your hands McMahon.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny doing color on Rocky Maivia's match.
Jerry: Hey Sunny, if you're so interested in genes, I have a
pair of Levis.
Jerry: It looks like Bret Hart has been hanging around Jake "The Snake"
Roberts, looks like he is drinking some of that encouraging liquior for
his match.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart whispers something to himself.
Jerry: I can read lips, he said to make sure the door is locked.
________________________________________________________________________
Todd Pettengill: Welcome to the Milton Bradley Karate Fighters
Tournament. This week Mr. Perfect battles Phinese I. Godwin.
Jerry: Yeah, he sure is a pig.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on Stu and Helen Hart.
Jerry: I bet you two are so old that when you were little the dead sea was only
sick.
________________________________________________________________________
The Bulldog about to execute a elbow drop on Razor Ramon.
Jerry: If the Bulldog connects with this, there'll be a grease spot on
the mat even Pine Sol can't take out.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey Ross, I had a nightmare last night, Sunny was my mother and
I was a bottle baby.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Cheating is only cheating if you get caught.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole
Smith is asking him out on a date.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on a fan in the crowd.
Jerry: I've heard of faces that could stop clocks, her's could stop all
of Switzerland's.
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on a fan in the crowd.
Jerry: I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the
seat fell down and hit him on the head.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels be escorted by an elderly woman.
Jerry: I saw Shawn Michaels being escourted by Mother Teresa.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey Shawn Michaels, this is the king. Can you hear me?
Shawn Michaels: I can hear ya King Fish.
Jerry: I have had enough of this meely mouth mush as I can stomach.
Jose Lothario, that old fossil sitting next to you, cost you the World
Wrestling Federation title by being on the apron. Hey Jose, if your
eyesight is that bad, you need to get your bifocals checked.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny is comming down the aisle to commentate.
Vince McMahon: Comming up next, Rocky Maivia, the first ever third generation
superstar in the back warming up. Oh My goodness!!
Jerry: Yeah McMahon, calm down. It looks like your warming up.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: C'mon McMahon. That is about as belevable as O.J. Simpson on
the witness stand.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny sits next to Vince McMahon
Jerry: Watch your hands McMahon.
________________________________________________________________________
Sunny doing color on Rocky Maivia's match.
Jerry: Hey Sunny, if you're so interested in genes, I have a
pair of Levis.
Jerry: If any of you people are going shopping this Christmas, I think
you should get what Rocky Maivia has... a Chia Head.
________________________________________________________________________
Rocky Maivia does a reversal on an opponent.
Jerry: Good job pineapple head.
________________________________________________________________________
A boy is going crazy when Sable comes down.
Jerry: Look at him, he is about to have a stroke.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind has an axe.
Jerry: Hey Mankind, bring that axe over hear. I think McMahon needs a
haircut.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: And there is a look at Sable who gets more beautiful by the
day.
Jerry: Clean your glasses.
Vince McMahon: What?
Jerry: I said clean your glasses McMahon.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler and HHH on Sable.
Jerry: Doesn't she still have one of your cars?
HHH: Yes, I belive she does.
Jerry: I heard she kept the BMW because it is the only one she can
spell.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Look at Jake, he looks like he's drunk!
Vince McMahon: Jake "The Snake" Roberts, where did he come from?
Jerry: The Bar! Where else?
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Micheals said "I have to do what I have to do."
Jerry: Frank Sanatra did what he had to do, and now he is a wrinkled-up
old prune.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Later tonight on RAW, Shawn Michaels is in the WWF studios with
an apology.
Jerry: He will probably apologize for that hair cut.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Beavis & Butthead are doing America is like Jim Ross and James
E. Cornette doing Sunday morning Superstars.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm glad you got Shawn Michaels off the camera so that his nose
wouldn't grow like Pinnocio.
Vince McMahon: Stop It!
Jerry: C'mon McMahon. That apology was about as sincere as Sable's
hair color.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Jake brings that big, ugly, slimmy, 15 foot long reptile as a
tag team partner.
you should get what Rocky Maivia has... a Chia Head.
________________________________________________________________________
Rocky Maivia does a reversal on an opponent.
Jerry: Good job pineapple head.
________________________________________________________________________
A boy is going crazy when Sable comes down.
Jerry: Look at him, he is about to have a stroke.
________________________________________________________________________
Mankind has an axe.
Jerry: Hey Mankind, bring that axe over hear. I think McMahon needs a
haircut.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: And there is a look at Sable who gets more beautiful by the
day.
Jerry: Clean your glasses.
Vince McMahon: What?
Jerry: I said clean your glasses McMahon.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry Lawler and HHH on Sable.
Jerry: Doesn't she still have one of your cars?
HHH: Yes, I belive she does.
Jerry: I heard she kept the BMW because it is the only one she can
spell.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Look at Jake, he looks like he's drunk!
Vince McMahon: Jake "The Snake" Roberts, where did he come from?
Jerry: The Bar! Where else?
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Micheals said "I have to do what I have to do."
Jerry: Frank Sanatra did what he had to do, and now he is a wrinkled-up
old prune.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: Later tonight on RAW, Shawn Michaels is in the WWF studios with
an apology.
Jerry: He will probably apologize for that hair cut.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Beavis & Butthead are doing America is like Jim Ross and James
E. Cornette doing Sunday morning Superstars.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I'm glad you got Shawn Michaels off the camera so that his nose
wouldn't grow like Pinnocio.
Vince McMahon: Stop It!
Jerry: C'mon McMahon. That apology was about as sincere as Sable's
hair color.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Jake brings that big, ugly, slimmy, 15 foot long reptile as a
tag team partner.
Jerry: I heard that scientist found evidence of prehistoric life on
Mars and that Stu & Helen Hart are the founding parents.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jake Roberts was flat on his back in the ring.
Jerry: Five million people are watching RAW and Jake is not one of
them.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I heard that Stu & Helen Hart use to be nudists, until they got
kicked out of the Garden of Eden.
________________________________________________________________________
Phineus is being Jacknifed...
Jim Ross: That is 330 pounds...
Jerry: ...Of Pork!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I don't mind the funk-ets, but I can care less for Flash Funk.
He reminds me of the Christmas season, loud and useless.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: You and Goldust probably shop at the same place.
Vince McMahon: Where is that?
Jerry: Toupee's R' Us! HA! HA! HA! HA!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey McMahon, I bought you a new toupee for Chirstmas, but my
Cabbage Patch Snack time doll ate it.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I would like to here Ahmed Johnson say Mother Smucker three times fast.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Bret Hart's boots are uglier than O.J. Simpson's Bruno Maglias.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels is schedualed to do color commentary.
Jerry: I hope Jose Lotherio doesn't come down with him.
Vince McMahon: I sincerely hope so.
Jerry: His veins are still clogged with fried beans, tacos...
Vince McMahon: Alright, Stop It!
Jerry: ...burritos, and salsa! I heard that when he took an X-Ray of
his heart, a big jalapena was clogging it.
________________________________________________________________________
About the instant replay rule.
Jerry: I guarantee you when you were born and your parents looked at
you...
Jim Ross: Alright!
Jerry: ...they knew they made a mistake, but they didn't get rid of
you.
________________________________________________________________________
Goldust started to unzipper his clothes.
Jerry: What is Goldust trying to do, show off the one chest hair that
he has.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Jose Lotherio gets winded just by dialing long-distance.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince said Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario have a father son relationship.
Jerry: It is more like a grandfather-son relationship.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Here comes "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Here is a guy who parks in
handicap spaces.
Mars and that Stu & Helen Hart are the founding parents.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jake Roberts was flat on his back in the ring.
Jerry: Five million people are watching RAW and Jake is not one of
them.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I heard that Stu & Helen Hart use to be nudists, until they got
kicked out of the Garden of Eden.
________________________________________________________________________
Phineus is being Jacknifed...
Jim Ross: That is 330 pounds...
Jerry: ...Of Pork!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I don't mind the funk-ets, but I can care less for Flash Funk.
He reminds me of the Christmas season, loud and useless.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: You and Goldust probably shop at the same place.
Vince McMahon: Where is that?
Jerry: Toupee's R' Us! HA! HA! HA! HA!
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Hey McMahon, I bought you a new toupee for Chirstmas, but my
Cabbage Patch Snack time doll ate it.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: I would like to here Ahmed Johnson say Mother Smucker three times fast.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Bret Hart's boots are uglier than O.J. Simpson's Bruno Maglias.
________________________________________________________________________
Shawn Michaels is schedualed to do color commentary.
Jerry: I hope Jose Lotherio doesn't come down with him.
Vince McMahon: I sincerely hope so.
Jerry: His veins are still clogged with fried beans, tacos...
Vince McMahon: Alright, Stop It!
Jerry: ...burritos, and salsa! I heard that when he took an X-Ray of
his heart, a big jalapena was clogging it.
________________________________________________________________________
About the instant replay rule.
Jerry: I guarantee you when you were born and your parents looked at
you...
Jim Ross: Alright!
Jerry: ...they knew they made a mistake, but they didn't get rid of
you.
________________________________________________________________________
Goldust started to unzipper his clothes.
Jerry: What is Goldust trying to do, show off the one chest hair that
he has.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Jose Lotherio gets winded just by dialing long-distance.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince said Shawn Michaels and Jose Lothario have a father son relationship.
Jerry: It is more like a grandfather-son relationship.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Here comes "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Here is a guy who parks in
handicap spaces.
Jim Ross: King, I don't know why you constantly verbally abuse a man like
Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Jake Roberts has had to battle a lot of demons
in his lifetime.
Jerry: Yeah, he also drank most of them.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Can someone please tell the woman with the 7 kids to go next
door and get them, they are beating the BOMBERS 23-0.
________________________________________________________________________
Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Jake Roberts has had to battle a lot of demons
in his lifetime.
Jerry: Yeah, he also drank most of them.
________________________________________________________________________
Jerry: Can someone please tell the woman with the 7 kids to go next
door and get them, they are beating the BOMBERS 23-0.
________________________________________________________________________
Vince McMahon: What do you think about Hunter's shonze ?
Jerry: Did you hear him, he wants to know what you think about Hunter's
nose?
The Girl: It's okay.
Jerry: Let me ask you this, what do you think about
McMahon's toupee?
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on Ahmed in the hospital.
Jerry: He has spent more times in a hospital than Nurse Gunbody lately.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart is commenting on Shawn Michaels.
Bret Hart: There are two things that really annoy me about you Michaels.
Jerry: There are a lot of things that annoy me about you Bret.
I cannot copyright jokes that Jerry Lawler has said himself. I just hope you all enjoy them.
Jerry: Did you hear him, he wants to know what you think about Hunter's
nose?
The Girl: It's okay.
Jerry: Let me ask you this, what do you think about
McMahon's toupee?
________________________________________________________________________
Lawler on Ahmed in the hospital.
Jerry: He has spent more times in a hospital than Nurse Gunbody lately.
________________________________________________________________________
Bret Hart is commenting on Shawn Michaels.
Bret Hart: There are two things that really annoy me about you Michaels.
Jerry: There are a lot of things that annoy me about you Bret.
I cannot copyright jokes that Jerry Lawler has said himself. I just hope you all enjoy them.